I can’t avoid it

This is somewhat personal, but I feel like I need to share it. I have talked once before, quite a while ago, about anxiety. My dad had it. I know I have it. I always have.

Something about me:
I am an avoider. If something bothers me, I try like hell to push it to the back of my mind. I avoid confrontation. I avoid doctors. I…just avoid.

There is a lot going on in my life. We are moving. A big move, out of state. It is taking me from my comfort zone. It is taking me from everything familiar.  There is a lot of uncertainty. I am worried…about everything.

Presently, I feel like there is more going on than run of the mill anxiety. I have never felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest, stealing my breath. An elephant sitting on my shoulders, weighing me down. Lately, those feelings are becoming more of my everyday, than not. I feel paralyzed by the thoughts that are constantly swirling around in my head. I can’t avoid it, no matter how hard I have been trying.

I have talked about this feeling with Jason, and a friend or two. The concensus…I need to go back to the doctor. I need to get something that will take this horrible feeling away. I need to be able to focus. I need to not feel like I want to throw the covers over my head, and hide in bed all day. I think people would be suprised to learn I have been feeling this way.

I need to stop making excuses for NOT going to the doctor. Because really, I can roll the excuse list out like a mile long red carpet. Already, a week or two has gone by since this started. I still have not gone to the doctor. That excuse list is pretty damn long. I guess I am putting this out there for me…to sort of be held accountable. To get it out of my head. Also, I know I can’t be the only one to feel like this. The only person that can help me, is me. I can’t avoid it any longer.