This is a bit personal…something I don’t normally share with others. But, I feel like I need to. Maybe it will be an eye opener to someone like myself.
All my life I have had some sort of anxiety issue. Is anxiety inherited? I believe so. But then again, I am no doctor. I just see my dad in me. He was diagnosed later in life as having mild depression and anxiety. I sometimes see my son in me..and truthfully that scares the crap out of me.
Here is the tricky part…when do you ask for help? I am a mom, just like everyone else with the everyday stresses that come along with that. They say special needs moms are under more stress. I can believe that.They say parents of children with severe allergies are under more stress.. I believe that too. (My older son has a life threatening allergy and his first reaction, anaphalayxis, occurred right before my eyes) That can cause a mom a bit of stress. But again…at what point do you break down and ask for help.
I have had those feelings of my mind racing, my heart beating, not sleeping for days and not being able to control it. No control, when you are a control freak, is a bit of an issue. This has been going on for years…and what would be the straw that would break my back? A wonderful trip with my son, to go visit my mom in Florida.
The day I hit the button to make the airline reservation, I almost threw up. Why? Fear of flying, fear of leaving my other 2 children home for days, with their perfectly capable father. Fear, fear, fear of anything and everything that could go wrong. I have never been away from my children. I take care of everything when it comes to school and doctors and such, again that control freak issues is there. Again..their dad is a wonderful dad who can handle a few days without me..right?
My hubby had been telling for years to go to the doc and get help. I avoided doc at all costs, because I didn’t want to be a “medicated” mom. My mom called me to discuss the trip one day and I got so panicked that I almost passed out in my car, in a parking lot. That was the moment I knew this had to stop. How can I be a mom,wife and friend and be this way.
Off to the doc I went. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I know what my problem is. It is anxiety, plain an simple. I explained that to the doc. I explained I need to be “there” and not in a fog. He gave me something to help with the anxiety and……I feel like myself again, not like a zombie. Not totally relaxed, because I don’t think that is humanly possible. But better.
I was able to enjoy my trip, even though my son got sick the day we left. My daughter got sick at home with the hubs, and my flight coming home had turbulence like a bouncing ball. Things like that would have pushed me over the edge had I not gone for help….So I am grateful I did.
I guess my point after this long story, is, we are not perfect. We can’t pretend or try to be. And if you need help….just ask. Doesn’t make you any less of a person, it may even help you to be a better one ❤